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The eyes of a Wolf always see straight into your soul ...

...You can't hide the truth from them


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Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Do you get those nights ...

I've had an old injury flare up.   I was in a bad road accident in 1995 that wrecked my body in certain ways.  I still get what feels like new tears in my neck and shoulders.  The resulting pain is higher than my threshold can bear at times and I end up yelping like a wolf that's just had it's paw stepped on.   It's bad enough that my sleep is frequently disturbed anyway because of the PTSD, however, I'm not even able to get those winks at the moment because the pain gets worse when I lie down.  The average feeling these injuries generate are a feeling of someone poking me with a spear ... right into my back via my shoulders or neck ... and then it feels like the spear's being twisted around, pulled and pushed.  It's a shame you can't do a swap with a bloke that's into BDSM or something ... I'll have the gorgeous, latex clad woman and he can have the pain without having to actually stick bits through his flesh.  Sound fair?  Answers on a post card :o)

At the moment the pain's worse than it's ever been.  I can't even go dancing, which is one of my coping mechanisms for PTSD.  I wonder how many troops would laugh at that?  Wake up fellas!  Salsa clubs are ace!!  You get to dance with some lovely ladies, exercise and socialise  : D

The book sales are going well.  I had orders for another 32 copies today.  All the funds should be able to pay for the reprint of a 1000 copies.  Then the real work starts:  generating enough money to make up the pieces for the exhibition and renting of the gallery/venue.

I need to find 9 venues in England and at least 3 in Scotland and Wales.  Ideally for a month a piece. 

I seem to be coping okay with all of this at the moment.  I get times when I just seem to stop in mid thought or mid stride.  That's a sign that I'm doing too much and I take the time to de-stress and then I sit and do some meditation and some therapy.

One of the things that I've learnt about living with PTSD is that I have to be kinder to myself and allow myself all the time that I need to get to a space where I can function to some degree again.  It's an on-going process and some days are better, some worse.

I've been touched by the feedback from some of the people that have read the book.  It feels weird to me that an ordinary bloke can put some words to paper and generate the feelings that they have in others.

Time to see what the day has in store for me.

Have a good one

Wolf

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